Monday, July 31, 2017

“Where Do You See Yourself In X Years?”


At any job interview, this is the question I hate the most. It’s an open ended question, so there’s supposed to be no right or wrong answer, but on the contrary, there actually IS a wrong answer.

We’re asked this question as if we’ve mapped out our career and life path 5 to 10 years out. Not everyone has an answer to this question. We’re not certain where our future takes us. Things also change over time, so your plan could be severely altered in a way that needs to be adjusted so that instead of a 10 year plan, it’s now become a 12 year plan.

My simple answer as an aspiring software engineer is that I have no idea where I see myself in my career years from now. All I want to do is work and continue learning so that I have a relevant skill base that will take me anywhere. Surprisingly, that is a wrong answer. I can tell from the body language of the person interviewing me. I can recognize the tone in their voice shift over the phone, clearly unsatisfied with my answer. Then they proceed to question my answer, as if criticizing it is going to give them something solid.

Every company focuses on loyalty because they want you to believe in their vision and support them for as long as possible. Therefore, if your answer is, “I want to continue learning,” their response will be, “Well, what happens if you’ve learned everything at our company? Will you leave in order to pursue a new learning opportunity”? They will respond with such scorn and disbelief and wonder why their time is being wasted on someone who could potentially leave their company in 1-2 years instead of 5-10 years.

So am I supposed to apologize for wanting to learn things at a company? Or should I reevaluate where I want to be in my career years down the road? Why can’t the desire to learn be an acceptable answer for people? It’s the right attitude, correct? I just want to work, simple as that. Make some money, potentially retire by 40 and whatnot. Win the lottery.

You spend too much time planning your future, you’ll never have time to start working towards it in the present. Plain and simple.

Friday, June 30, 2017

Why I Am Not A Coach


It’s something I’ve never felt I had to write about explaining myself because it is a career path I never considered. Since I am now displaying my life much more in internet writing, I felt this might be something people would want to read. At least for those who know me, it’s possible this is of interest.

I fell in love with running at age 14, where most high school kids are actually introduced to running by participating in cross country or track & field. I was not a natural athlete by any stretch of the imagination, but I guess I liked being what I thought was a good athlete in these sports. I was average at best, but a contributor in the sense I scored the occasional point in a competition.

It’s funny because I remember some people in high school in disbelief that I wouldn’t be competing in college. Those are the people who aren’t seeing the real picture. A 4:48 mile doesn’t get you in the door in Division I, it’s almost a charity to let you walk on in Division II with the expectation you’re most likely going to be cut, and you’re probably in the top 7 on a Division III team. I also destroyed my legs to the point I wake up in pain every single morning. Sacrificing that much to be an average athlete in high school (yes, in the grand scheme of things a 4:48 mile is pretty average in high school)? Well, that’s another explanation for another day.

Now that I’m starting the fourth paragraph, I guess I could explain why coaching has never been in my life view. First off, I work a 9-5, so coaching is unrealistic because you can’t fully invest in your athletes, high school or college level. That’s just the simple, cop out answer though because it’s so easy to say.

The real answer is this. I’ve talked about how I destroyed my legs in high school to the point that trying to even jog produces unbelievable pain. 2 rounds of PT in a span of 5 years treating a problem that no specialist has any idea to what’s going on was a waste of money. If I can’t keep my own running body healthy, how am I expected to keep the bodies of high school athletes healthy? Now I’ve designed my own coaching philosophy as kind of a “what if”, but I feel I couldn’t go through with it. I have knowledge that could be useful in coaching, but at the end of the day, I have no confidence that I could produce athletes with results and that I’d ultimately break them. They’d never see their true potential due to that. I understand injuries come with sport, but mitigating that is a result of good coaching and smart athletes. Could I coach well? I have no idea and I’ve kept myself out of trying for this very reason. Plus the 9-5 thing too. Scheduling is so unrealistic.

I will admit, however, during my time volunteering at my high school track team, there is a sense of satisfaction watching athletes do well. Definitely enough to break some of my own rules in order to make coaching happen. Who knows if it’s in the cards for me? Something to really think about as time goes on.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Time to Reload


I’ve been blogging since 2009 I guess. On and off a few topics here and there about life, life values, running, video games, suffering through college, the whole nine yards. No series of writing as consistent as what I’ve been doing lately.

May 2016 to April 2017.  What does that mean? It’s an 11 month journey of different bits of writing. 55 bits to be precise. This would be 56, if I decided to count it.

It was a test of consistency and to see what kind of audience would be interested in the types of writings I produced. Definitely a good experiment with so many lessons learned from it. My brain is one of the most fascinating things to me and by writing 55 posts over the course 11 months just to see what it could come up with was exhilarating, to say the least.

They stemmed mostly from life experiences because who doesn’t want to read about what someone thinks of their own life? It’s way better than reading someone’s opinion on politics or the state of the U.S. economy, but that’s my opinion. It is just statistically, topics that could draw from my life experience or thoughts drew in the most readers. Anything else drew less, or none.

What types of life experiences are we talking about? Well, if you’ve frequently kept up with my blog, you’d know they were more negative than positive or neutral life topics. More dry humor to go along with that negativity. Not that they were cries for attention because this is the internet, they’ll know when you’re desperate. I write mainly to get the thoughts in my brain out and when I share it, the people who read them are the ones who want to read them.

I’ve written about so many things that I’ve learned what I like to write about and what I don’t. I think it can be easily seen what pieces of writing was forced, basically making my brain think of things that it really didn’t care about and as a result, a very short, disorganized piece. I know what you’re thinking, it could so easy to just scrap something like that from existence. Why share it? Well you never know if a piece of shit writing could still draw an audience. It’s about trial and error. Just like life.

So what’s next for little ol’ me? Well, a break is definitely needed for my brain to recharge. Think of more interesting topics to write about. While it’s great not having a hard deadline to post stuff (because let’s be real, my audience isn’t that big), consistency is the key to, well, consistent writing. I think it’s important to have a backlog of topics so that you can write them all out in multiple sessions, then tweak them when it’s almost time to shove them out the door. That way it’s more or less scheduled until your next break. I don’t have to think about scheduling for a while. Until I feel comfortable I have a good amount of topics.

So if you’ve read stuff over the course of 11 months, thanks for stopping by. I hope you come back when I start up again. Feel free to reread some things or read something you haven’t. If you haven’t read anything, well, you’re probably not even reading this right now so I’m basically talking to a wall. Go read something. Reading is good. Knowledge is power.

Also, LinkedIn is basically the worst place to post your own blog. Literally no one will click your link. I’ve seen the metrics. I’ve had like, 2 clicks being sourced from LinkedIn. People on LinkedIn only care about writings that are directly posted on LinkedIn. You’re shit. People are trying to expand their internet presence on multiple platforms and no one wants to click the link. Maybe that’s not a LinkedIn problem, but more a people problem. I guess people on LinkedIn suck, myself included.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

What Could I Live Without?


Without having to cut my nails every couple of weeks.

No seriously, I want to live without having to cut my nails every couple of weeks. When will we as humans evolve to a point where this isn’t necessary? Same thing with hair. Why can’t we just tell our body that we want things a certain length and it stays that way. Let’s be on the same wavelength here.

As for anything else that is truly relevant, this might be a little difficult to think about. I’m sure there are plenty of things I am living without right now that I’m perfectly fine with, but I can’t think of them. Food and water are essential, so I definitely can’t cross those off. I can live without a bike. I mean, I mostly have been for years. I can’t remember the last time I actually rode one.

I can probably live without cable television. I mean, so much stuff is online anyway, so what’s the point of paying for it? I probably don’t even need a TV either. I can watch most stuff from a computer monitor with no issues. Quality of the video isn’t even an issue either. As long as I can watch it with relative clarity, I have no complaints.

I’m not sure of anything else though. My brain has run out of thoughts.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Deep Talks


This is one of my favorite activities in the world. I’ve been told I’m a really good listener and I tend to agree with the people who tell me that. To have someone you can just spill beans to whenever and know it won’t leave the room (whatever room it might be, physical, digital, etc.) is something special.

I am able to select 2 or 3 people I can spill my beans to. I’m appreciative of that. If you’re a frequent reader of this blog, you know my brain has some issues to iron out. It’s always good to bounce my frustrations out with someone and they can either relate to it or find some way to get me out of my current funk. As serious as they get, it has funny moments as well. It’s mainly because I get the opportunity to use my memory and talk about some great moments of the past. Even the specific details no one would remember.

As much as I pride myself in being a good listener, sometimes I wish people would abuse that quality of mine more. I know talking to someone about the things that trouble you require a great deal of trust between you and the person you’re talking to. It’s hard to come forward to someone you vaguely know. So to those who know me, let me listen! If all you want me to do is absorb your words, I’ll do it. I don’t have to say anything. Giving advice is not required in this type of talk, but I will say, deep talks are great when they go two ways.

Let’s figure out our problems together. We’re all friends here.

Friday, March 31, 2017

Productivity and Organization


I think we as humans in this day and age, it’s in our nature to procrastinate. There is no getting past that. With the improvement of technology, I think it helps us procrastinate even more. Or it just makes us look stagnant as we point and click to use the Facebook app.

We never seem to have enough time to do anything we want. Even the stuff we don’t want to do (like homework), there isn’t time for our brains to get working and get it done in a timely manner. We want to be productive, but the limited hours in the day just don’t allow us to do it all the time. As a high schooler it was what, 6-7 hours of classes, then if you were in clubs, band, chorus, or a sports team, that’s about 2-3 hours. By the time you get home, you’re rushing to eat and shower. When it’s time to do homework, either The Simpsons or American Idol is on, so you want that one hour of relaxation. When that’s done, you’re doing homework from 9pm to who knows when. It’s tough. College was probably even tougher. As much as you want to be great at academics, there are so many things you want to test your social boundaries with. Time is of the essence. Productivity is when you feel you’re getting the most out of your time. There is some undetermined time to productivity ratio with each activity and we all want to meet that. It’s hard. We’d rather be eating ice cream while sitting on the couch watching a soap opera.

Organization is another thing. Being organized is an important part of being productive, I believe. It allows for less time to be wasted when you’re investing in an activity. Organization as it’s own quality, I think it’s important to have as a good practice. I see too many people with stacks of papers on top of their desks, looking for the set of notes they just took an hour ago. Or how they can’t recognize the clean clothes from the dirty clothes because they’re just sprawled all over their bedroom floor. To me, organization is important. It keeps me in check, helps me remember where things are. It’s something I pride myself in. It certainly helps with adapting to quick changes in work and life.

Be productive and organized. Don’t waste time. I’ve only got 15 years to live anyway.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Time Management


This is one the important qualities to me. Managing what you do with your time is key because we really don’t have a lot of time to do anything, nowadays. It’s basically wake up, work, come home, two hours (roughly) of free time, then sleep. Repeat that for the days ahead.

When you have the time to do what you want, how do you organize that together so that your free time isn’t wasted? Fortunately, it seems as if your entire life was built on practicing how to properly manage your time. You continuously run through the motions to make sure your time is fully invested on what you want to do, instead of being a complete bore.

To me, time management is a process. It’s about listing the things I really want to do first, so that I know that the use of my time is a success. Sometimes it doesn’t always work out. I’ve mostly got into a funk where I’ve been too tired to use my free time and would rather just sit and be bored and attempt to nap. Though we all know I am mostly incapable of taking a nap at any point in the day. It takes a red eye flight and job interviews to get me to take a nap, which entails falling asleep while trying to eat my dinner.

I mean, at the time of writing this, I should probably be going to sleep, but instead, I’m here, writing some mindless babble. I’ll evaluate if it’s a good use of my time eventually.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

What Motivates Me?


This is the most essential thing in life, in my opinion. It’s what shapes our future. Everyone is motivated by something, we just need it to be clear and concise for it to drive us.

Everything that motivates someone in one category can be applied to another category, that is what I believe to be a true motivator. It’s ok to have more than one thing that motivates you, but I like just having one that can be spread among different aspects of life. For my brain, it keeps things simple.

I always think that the fear of failure is what motivates me to keep doing the things I do. I hate failing. I hate the feeling of failing. I especially hate thinking I am a failure. I work so hard, not for praise as the endgame, but to avoid the potential negative result that comes when things don’t done. That is especially true in a work setting, whether it’s not getting something done in time, or screwing up a scheduled event, etc.

As for aspects of my life, it’s especially important. From a fitness standpoint, I love to run and it’s such a benefit to me that I’m very self-driven to go out and run, even though I’m not doing it with a competitive goal in mind. However, I can be very lazy about it sometimes and that’s tough. I never want to get into the habit of shortening my workouts because then I don’t see the gain from it. I just see someone who just wants to get through it and check it off their list for the day. That’s not what I want. I want the workout to be worth it and enjoyable, not tiring and unbearable. I don’t want to fail myself.

I think, most important of all, I would never want to fail my friends and family. There are just so many tenets to what makes you a good friend or good family member I try, to the best of my abilities, to follow them. However, nobody’s perfect and things do more or less go wrong. That’s tough because you feel as if you let down everyone’s expectations or general impressions of your character. It’s hard to recover from that. I try to be as helpful as possible, without asking anything in return because, with friends and family, there is no “You owe me”. Or should there be?

Motivation is key. That is what I try to remind myself from time to time. It’s so vague and open to interpretation, but that’s what makes it so effective.

Monday, March 13, 2017

The Superpower I Want


I want to go the selfish route, so shut up.


I absolutely want the power to have any power. Color me God in this picture. No weaknesses, total control. It’s like the dictator of the world without declaring yourself as one.


You can’t answer this question without selfish and selfless reasons, however. I mean, to be able to stop the growth of your finger and toenails so that you don’t have to cut them!? That is the most tedious part of the human evolution.


Let’s talk driving. No need for it. I could fly or teleport. I don’t have any need to be stuck in traffic or have to buy a plane ticket. Or go through a TSA pat-down.


Cooking? Forget it. Money? No need. A snap of the finger could bring my wildest culinary imaginations to life, without the need to focus on dollars. Hell, I can pay off the IRS with the snap of a finger as well.


Now to play “God” in this sense is not to be like Bruce Almighty and put all the prayers on a computer. I am not religious. The word “prayer” does and means nothing to me. Even the word “God” doesn’t connote a high religious figure. I just have power.


I could do the right thing, as long as I feel like it. With such power, what is the scale of right and wrong? Saving people from a national disaster, all the way to simply helping an elderly person cross the street. Pay it forward. Make a homeless person rich by snapping some fingers and generating a sum of money for them. I do a good deed, but it’s up to them make that deed worth it. I can save the world, eliminating one dumb political article at a time, or simply saving all the Lois Lanes of the world.


Plus I can pick immortality. Living forever. Though I want to die by 40, so that might not help. I’ll have to push the immortality button off.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

How I Take Criticism


I hope I take it well. Criticism is what keeps you going to improve. It keeps you level headed because you’re not striving for perfection. It is just not possible to be perfect. The work won’t stop. It’s the journey that makes the work most enjoyable.

I always take it back to my competitive running days. My coach had always said negative criticism is the most important criticism because no matter how good your performance was, there’s always something wrong with it. Of course, as growing teenagers, you want to be careful on how that criticism is taken, so you don’t discourage yourself from the sport. So I’ve always taken that seriously. Ok, I paced myself well, but where could I have made moves within the race to make it difficult for my opponent to stay competitive? How was my form? How can I improve my mechanics so I’m not wasting energy each stride? It’s always the little things.

Back to the topic. I’ll take criticism as well as I can. Typically emotionless and dead faced. Though inside it’s uncomfortable to hear it, but that’s the trade off. It’s never going to be comfortable because someone is essentially evaluating you. The thoughts are simple. Are they trying to develop me into something more, or are they trying to bring me down, to the point that I am driven away and am nothing? That depends on the person and their mindset. What do they want to get from what they hear? It’s something to struggle with. Something to continue thinking about.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Seeking Advice on the Internet


This depends on the type of advice you’re looking for. Is it like me where I WebMD almost every symptom I have that is abnormal before considering going to a doctor? Fun fact, I normally don’t end up going to the doctor either way.

Can advice be as simple as reading something online? Google something and read a page that has relatively all the answers you’re searching for? I don’t know how frequent online forums are for people seeking advice on certain topics, but I’m sure it’s still a good route to go. Everyone is anonymous (for the most part), so I guess it makes it a little bit easy to open up and get an opinion.

Another fun fact: Recently I googled how to talk to women because I was convinced my introvertedness made me incapable of forming coherent sentences when talking to females.

Do your friends count as the internet? I mean, chatting online with them, seeking advice when you are unable to use your words in person at that moment. That could count I guess. In this age of technology, how many deep talks are we having in person anyway? Makes it easier to contact a person when you need them at that current moment.

Advice on the internet comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes it comes when you aren’t even actively seeking it. I mean, I’m still trying to figure out if I have value in this world and I try to absorb the experiences of others to see if I can formulate and answer to my question. Everyone has a thought about life and I’m just trying to understand it.

Though I might never find an answer, but it’s a journey that’s going to have ups and downs and I might be ok with that. Now back to Google...

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Life and World Changes in the Past Decade


I think if you’re a frequent reader of my posts, you can probably gather all the life changes that have gone on the past 10 years for me. Hey, let’s just reiterate a ton of it anyway and include the world in this oyster!

I think a lot of the changes in life have been due to amount of time invested truly critiquing the flow of my life from age 14 to now. I’ve slowly stopped caring about a lot of things. I evaluate caring based on the amount of energy needed to spend on it and if it’s too much effort to care, then it’s not worth my time. It’s all part of the belief that the world is out to get me and doesn’t want me to have nice things in life. A lot of trying to make some positive things in my life, but never really flowing my way. That’s a tough grind to go through. The course of my growth hasn’t been great in my opinion. Whether it’s through my family, friend, education, or work, there was always something pull me back down when I was trying to fly high. It just made it not worth trying anything. Even now, trying something new is a hard task because I just don’t care enough to do it. To actually try something new, you have to WANT to try it. My standard answer is always “no” because I don’t care enough to try it and I already believe that I won’t like it. I don’t even give it a chance. I’ve been battered down to the point that it’s pointless to do anything. My outlook on my life is quite negative, but resolute. Either I’ll retire by 40 or be dead by 40. I should try to fulfill some great things in that timeframe, but I need to figure out what I want to fulfill. That is a task that’s proven to be very difficult.

Let’s talk about the world. From what I gather (because I barely watch or read anything about local or world news), the globe has gone to shit. I guess it all started in 2012 with that Sandy Hook shooting. Once the media started reporting about all these mass shooting and terror attacks, I become desensitized to every single one of those news reports, that I just stopped caring about them happening. It seemed as if that was the norm to hear about an attack every night. It’s troubling times. We want to talk about gun laws? Well that’s all it is. Just talking. Nothing will change because it takes too long to change things. Too many holes to go through. Either the world is going to fix itself or it’s going to implode. Me? I don’t have much say on these local and global matters because I don’t keep myself informed enough to make a solid opinion. Either I’ll be dead from what the world does or survive a little bit longer. Either way, whichever gets to me to 40.

Oh hey, remember that whole American election thing?

Thanks for reading. So strange that you have such an interest in this topic. You should get an ice cream to reward yourself.

Friday, February 17, 2017

Do I Get Enough Sleep?


If you know me well enough, the answer would be no.

If you consider that I get the standard 6-8 hours every night, the answer is yes. The reason why it’s no is because it never ever truly feels like restful sleep.

I’ve tried all possible methods I could think of. Melatonin or reading before bed never helped. Not even exercise could keep me asleep. Too much waking up at 2am every night or tossing and turning an hour before your alarm clock goes off to get ready for work. Talk about unfortunate timing.

The only ideal solution would be to go to bed later, so that I’m actually more tired and will fall asleep for easily. The drawback is that now I’ll get less hours of sleep and probably will wake up with a headache because my body knows I didn’t get enough sleep.

For an activity so awesome such as sleeping, I am just terrible at it. I won’t resort to Nyquil, since that’s basically fake sleep and I’d like Nyquil to actually work in the event I get sick.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Procrastination


The absolute worst. We all do it. Even the most motivated and hard working people procrastinate. Why do we do it? Do we just need a break? Do we hate what we’re currently doing? Do our eyes hurt from staring at code for hours trying to find that one semicolon that you forgot to put at the end?

By nature, somehow ingrained into our brains, we want to put things off just a little bit longer. That book report? I’ll start at 9pm tonight and finish it up the next day 30 minutes before it’s due. Instead of wanting to get it over with quickly, we want to put it off until the last possible moment, placing your brain on crunch time, forcing it to think critically, but not carefully. Mistakes will happen in those moments. Creativeness is linear instead of expansive in order to make room to get the task done.

How to we get better at not procrastinating? Well, every Padawan will have to think of their own way to get out of that funk. Every person is unique in their procrastination, therefore, they must be unique in their own way in order to be motivated to get things done. Go after it. Be productive.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Am I Hard or Easy on Myself?


I think it’s best to be hard on myself. Be hard on myself, but don’t get caught up in it. Easier said than done, right?

It’s no surprise that mentally, I live in, what I believe, to be some tough times for myself. I’m hard on myself because I use it as motivation to improve. It takes too long for me to use it as motivation, however. I live in that bubble. I stew in my own criticism. It’s not healthy and I know it, but knowing it doesn’t change my feelings on the matter. It’s because I truly believe what I say about myself and how others perceive me. That’s what really gets to me the most.

I’m told that if I want to get out of funks like these, I have to be the one to make the change. My response is, I have to WANT to make that change. Allow me to explain.

There is that feeling of want. You know it when you see something you like. Me? If I were to make a change, I need that feeling on want just like seeing something you like. To be truthful, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I need to change what I’m feeling. I’m stuck in limbo because I can’t find the answers to the questions I have. I am, therefore, harder on myself because I cannot find these answers.

The only way to solve this temporarily is to find a distraction. Table the discussion for another day, but I have to remember, that these feelings aren’t going to go away because I’m distracted. They will come back when I’m most vulnerable and I’ll be harder on myself than the last time, trying to answer those questions.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Does Facebook Ever Make Me Feel Bad?


Absolutely.

I’ve probably mentioned it many times, but Facebook is basically a competition to see who has the best life amongst their friends and family. Everyone (myself included) crafts their posts in order to fish for those Facebook reactions everyone know and loves. They might even know they’re doing it. Their life, compared to mine, looking at it on Facebook, surely makes me feel bad. It makes me questions whether what I’m doing is truly fulfilling me. I’d like to think it does, but there’s always that one post that makes me wonder why the Facebook masses isn’t crawling to my post about life and dropping some “haha” Facebook reactions.

It’s a weird effect because I LOVE seeing posts about my friends’ lives. Facebook seems like it’s the only place right now to see that kind of stuff. Despite the love, there’s always that dark side that creeps in, trying to make my life feel so inferior to others. A strange and emotional double-edged sword. Life updates are all I really want to see. So all the political, current event stuff can just stay away. I can’t be swayed. I can’t be made attentive to something. Show me a picture of a cute baby in your family. Show me your everlasting smile and sparkling eyes doing something really cool. I may throw a “like” there. Maybe even a “love” if I’m really feeling the emotions. I’ll feel bad about myself, but I’ll feel awesome for you. Or feel awesome for your dog or cat.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Do I Want To Live To 100?


Didn’t we go over this already? Read “What I Want to Do With My Life”.

Living to be 100 would be pretty cool, just to reach the number only. Would you expect yourself to be lively and up and walking at normal speed at 100? Do you think you’d be able to drive a car at 100, cook your own food at 100, or even wipe your own butt at 100?

I wouldn’t even know if I would get to 100. I can’t look that far into the future. All I can say now is that I wouldn’t want to be burden to anyone who would be obligated to take care of my frailness. A retirement home would probably do some good, but who is paying for that? Money isn’t cheap, especially when it comes to taking care of your livelihood.

I still think 40 is a good number to either retire to expire. Retiring gets you to 50, then you’re done. If it’s possible to do the daily tasks at 100 the same way I could do them at 30, then I might consider wanting to live up to that age.

For now, I’ll stay with being 60 years short.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

What Am I Afraid Of?


Bugs. Sorry ladies, I will not kill that spider for you. Unless I have a bottle of Windex at hand, then we’ll be talking. Or one of those guns that shoots salt at them, that would be an entertaining, yet scary experience.

I think that’s it though. Bugs just feel weird. They look weird too.

Like a previous post, I’m pretty afraid of being a failure. Though that’s weird to say when you feel you’re already a failure in what you do. When you’re not given a chance to prove anyone otherwise, it’s hard to not feel that way. Some people are afraid they can’t live to others’ expectations. Or they can’t live up to the expectations they envision in themselves. I know that eats at me a lot.

It’s also weird to think people are afraid of death. It’s part of life. Birth and death are the two things we as humans have in common. There’s no changing that. I accept the concept of death. Maybe people are more afraid of how they die. Burning building, overdose, shot, etc. I don’t know.

Though back to bugs. They’re terrible. I still won’t kill them for you. Just give me a shoe and we might talk.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Thoughts on New Year Resolutions


They mean nothing if you don’t commit to them.

I did it once. To swear off soda for a whole year, which I did to completion. I made no plans to make other resolutions for other years. Mainly because overall I think the concept of New Year’s Resolutions are dumb.

It’s only symbolic because it’s the whole “brand new year, time for new beginnings” concept. Without the whole terminology, resolutions are just goals and goals are things you can set any time during the course of the year.

To spend a whole year trying to accomplish one specific thing is near impossible. Things change and honestly, it makes you commit less to it over time. Your motivation is lost because it’s either something you’ve been telling yourself to do every new year, or you’re not committing enough to it because so much time has passed by.

I prefer to set goals on a monthly basis. That way, if you fail one, you can readjust and work on trying to improve your approach. This gives you a monthly review to look within yourself and keep yourself oriented on what you want to achieve. You wait until the end of the year to do that, you might forget what your resolution was in the first place. Also, you probably don’t remember every event that caused you to fail it.

Everyone has a different approach to it. This is mine, which I consider the approach for serious failures who often have more failed goals than successes, because failure is the driving force.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Do I Have A Best Friend?


I view the whole “best friend” conundrum to be more of a childhood farce. Somehow we have it all imprinted in our minds at a very young age that we need a best friend. As if all our other friends were suddenly of less value.

I remember a childhood memory of mine where I had ranked “best friends”. I think I had like, 6 of them. Obviously I wasn’t following conventions. How can one have multiple best friends? Being the “best” is equivalent to being #1 at something. You hold that title.

As one gets older, I believe that the whole best friend thing fizzles out. Just the term itself, not the person. Well, that’s probably not 100% true. You become exposed to so many different kinds of people and you grow close to those types of bonds to the point that it’s very hard to single out who is the “best” of them all. That might be a pretty good resolution. It’s probably better to have a bunch of close friends than having a best friend and a bunch of close friends.

It’s funny. These are the kinds of opinions coming from the guy who feels he’s all alone and his friends are gone and also doesn’t think he deserve friends, even when he has them because the world has given him rotten lemons and stuff. Well, take it as you will.