Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Evaluation: A Matter of Your Conscience?


I don’t really know what it is, or how it even works, but I have this keen ability to observe and evaluate everything I do. I believe that it’s a common problem. Sure, evaluation has its perks, but also its consequences. I mean, observing and analyzing is always a good learning experience, but what if that sort of thing keeps you from doing something? That evaluation my friends, must be your conscience.


Yes, everyone has a conscience. Don’t even deny that you don’t have one because you do. Not everyone can go into something with full confidence. If you could, I might as well call you God or something. Well, you WANT to do something, but can’t because something in your mind is holding you back from it. It’s painful, isn’t it? I’m here to say that I’ve been through it all more than once. Basically it’s my life to fight with my conscience.


I view myself to be a little more different than the average person. I’m like a social and cultural scientist, I suppose. I observe, hypothesize, analyze, and experiment with the things that go around me all the time. I’m never sure of the results I’m going to get. But when I want to do something that is out of the ordinary, I seem to hesitate. It is the pure act of thinking about every result or loophole of the situation which makes me doubt myself and second guess what I’m going to do. It’s tough to get rid of that. It really makes me angry to find myself unable to do something that I want to do, only because I am holding myself back. I mean come on, I’m no Hamlet or anything.


I want to come out in everything I do with full confidence even after my conscience tries to prevent me from doing it. It’ll be a tough challenge, but I don’t want to stick around getting everything ruined because I couldn’t do something. I shouldn’t fear the results at the end, but rather take it in as a full learning experience.


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Social Rules: Who Makes Up These Things?


Something that has been running into my mind for years is social rules, or the social “norm”. What are these rules, and how are these rules established? I mean, I’ve observed and learned about the social rules, whether it’s from movies (who sometimes depict them horribly), friends, family, or just the plain view of the general public. People seem to follow them subconsciously, but why?


Something obscure like the “guy code” or rules for the high school cliques are heavily followed upon. I’m not understanding how people’s minds are functioning to follow these things. I’m thinking it’s a cultural thing and something psychological to go along with it. I mean, being exposed to the urban culture is something that affects young or old people altogether and they seem to believe most things that are within reason. Now then, they seem to fit this into their normal lives. These “rules” or “codes” or whatever the hell they call them are somehow programmed as something perfectly fine, as if there’s nothing wrong with it.


What happened to individuality? Or what happened to being unique all on your own? I enjoy being unique and not conforming to the rules that society brings upon me. The only problem is, my brain is programmed to follow these rules strongly. Just thinking about breaking these rules activates my conscience, to second guess my decisions of breaking these social rules, because of the common consequences that a brought upon for defying them.


It’s strange, I know. I really wished I didn’t have to follow these rules all the time. Shame on my brain.