Am I Hard or Easy on Myself?

I think it’s best to be hard on myself. Be hard on myself, but don’t get caught up in it. Easier said than done, right?

It’s no surprise that mentally, I live in, what I believe, to be some tough times for myself. I’m hard on myself because I use it as motivation to improve. It takes too long for me to use it as motivation, however. I live in that bubble. I stew in my own criticism. It’s not healthy and I know it, but knowing it doesn’t change my feelings on the matter. It’s because I truly believe what I say about myself and how others perceive me. That’s what really gets to me the most.

I’m told that if I want to get out of funks like these, I have to be the one to make the change. My response is, I have to WANT to make that change. Allow me to explain.

There is that feeling of want. You know it when you see something you like. Me? If I were to make a change, I need that feeling on want just like seeing something you like. To be truthful, I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what I need to change what I’m feeling. I’m stuck in limbo because I can’t find the answers to the questions I have. I am, therefore, harder on myself because I cannot find these answers.

The only way to solve this temporarily is to find a distraction. Table the discussion for another day, but I have to remember, that these feelings aren’t going to go away because I’m distracted. They will come back when I’m most vulnerable and I’ll be harder on myself than the last time, trying to answer those questions.