Life’s Clutter

What baggage to I have to carry every day? Is there any way I can lessen the load? I can tell I can’t remember too many things because I have too many things to worry about. The gradual growth of adulthood exhausts the human body and mind (based on the number of white hairs I have, good indicator). Bills, car maintenance, taxes, you name it. I haven’t reached the point of being a homeowner yet.

Then the ultimate thing cluttering life is none other than life itself. Too much worrying about whether or not the world is out to get you, why all your lemons in life are rotten, why Grendel is less existential than you are. I wish I could see the benefit of what life has given me. I mostly feign happiness. You could say I was ‘happy’ to graduate college, but that’s only because I left the system and never had to go through being so miserable again. I never liked school. It didn’t make me happy. It was just one less thing to have on my shoulder.

The solution to all this would be to have a 16 hour distraction every day. I wouldn’t have to think about this all the time. I can spend 2 or 3 hours one something legitimately fun, but once it’s over, I’m back where I started 2 or 3 hours previously. It eats at me. Hence, the white hairs.

Who knows? Something might change. Though I’m setting my expectations low. Nothing ever truly changes.